Kyle Becker 
It was a hot summer day in Boston. Nothing much was happening, given that it was a liberal city on a weekend.
That’s when The Feds decided to spice things up. “Patriot Front: The Musical” descended on Boston. Watch:
On Saturday, a large group of around 100 people or so, reportedly of the white supremacist group The Patriot Front, marched through the heart of downtown Boston.
Nothing to see here, just dozens of white-masked young men in tan khakis and blue polos marching in near double-time formation with an impeccable drum line. This is art.
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Not the kind of art people actually pay to see, but art nonetheless. It’s the closest thing federal law enforcement have produced to an off-Broadway musical since a very inebriated James Comey sang ‘Rum Tug Tugger’ at the FBI’s annual Christmas office party.
So, whatever former high school musical producer in the FBI staged this performance deserves a healthy raise and a hearty handshake. Job well done convincing Americans that ‘white supremacy’ is still a serious threat to the country as radical leftists lose it over Roe v. Wade and even threaten to assassinate Supreme Court Justices.
Just like the FBI ignored the dozens of Black Lives Matter protests in 2020 that killed dozens of people and did billions in damages, while devoting all of its manpower to the Capitol riots on January 6 that directly killed one person — and a Trump supporter at that.
According to the Boston Globe, the ‘Patriot Front’ (Group) put out flyers at the Boston Public Library, because this is apparently an existential threat to Americans on the same par as burning down dozens of black communities.
“Since 2019, Patriot Front has been responsible for the vast majority of white supremacist propaganda distributed in the United States,” the ADL has said of the group. “One of the United States’ most visible white supremacist groups, Patriot Front participates in localized ‘flash demonstrations’ across the nation.”
So, a ‘white supremacist’ group that does nothing but perform in ‘flash mobs’ around the United States wearing budget preppie outfits and doing nothing more sinister than handing out literature that no one will read. Seems about right.
According to the Globe, one flyer depicted an octopus with one eye as the Democratic Party donkey and the other a Republican Party elephant swallowing or engulfing an outline of the continental United States under the headline “Two Parties, One Tyranny.”
“The party system murdered the American Republic and replaced it with a fake democracy ruled by lobbyists, bankers, and unelected bureaucrats,” the flyer says. “The true rulers of the State never receive any votes. Elections are now only mass illusions of popular sovereignty.”
These are not lyrics worthy of the hit musical “Hamilton,” but one of the higher-ups decided they would have to do.
This article contains satirical commentary that is intended to reflect the absurdity of an actual news event.