The older I get, the more I know what my mom meant when she said, “we just can’t have anything nice”. Because we can’t! Of course, she also famously claimed nothing had ever been the same since they “shot up that space shuttle”. Mom was on global warming BEFORE Al Gore.
In fairness she probably was referring to household items, cars, etc., since my brother and I had a habit of tearing stuff up, but overall, I know get the gist of what she was saying.
Seems you can’t go anywhere or do anything lately without some jackass-buzzkill people either protesting or generally crapping on your good time. Turns out the Fourth of July was no different.
There were protesters galore at my downtown 4th parade, which is their right, but thankfully they were mostly well behaved, unlike one loony leftist protester at the Nathans Hotdog Eating Contest. What am I talking about? Check out this tasty treat from Outkick:
Joey Chestnut entered the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on Monday with an injury. To complicate matters further for the best to ever do it protestors rushed the stage during the competition.
A man dressed like Darth Vader bumped into the hot dog-eating GOAT while downing his 17th hot dog. The protestor, apparently protesting an animal rights issue in Utah, held a sign reading “EXPOSE SMITHFIELD DEATHSTAR.”
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Nothing says American excess like the annual display of wiener related gluttony, but dammit this is America, this is OUR event.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that it’s my true hope that Smithfield Meats has an actual “Death Star” that only this guy knows about, and he is trying to warn the world. Awesome, right?
Joey Chestnut is a legend in the hot dog pounding event, rarely being challenged for the title. Now he is a legend in the “protester pounding” category.
A couple of protestors dressed as Stormtroopers joined the protest with signs of their own just as Chestnut took matters into his own hands. He took a break from inhaling hot dogs to choke the Darth Vader protestor and toss him to the stage floor.
After taking out the trash Chestnut continued his world-class hot dog eating and turned his attention back to destroying the rest of the field.
He might have fallen short of breaking his own record, but his 63 hot dog performance was still good enough for his 15th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest title.
Why protest a hot dog contest? Why a Darth Vader mask? This seems like the most poorly planned protest in the history of civil unrest!
I have to be honest folks, watching the video of Chestnut slamming dogs while simultaneously choke slamming a jackass in a dollar store Darth Vader mask made me both laugh, and swell with patriotic pride.
Joey Chestnut did this in a walking boot. While in competition. And housing 63 dogs in 10 minutes. To beat the field by 20.
What a competitor. What a warrior. What an American.
— Albert Breer (@AlbertBreer) July 4, 2022
Chestnut is symbolic of how America used to be; always winning. The protester is the perfect representation of woke culture and the left.
We need to puff our chests, salute the flag, and (symbolically) choke out the left and start WINNING again. Symbolically though. Not advocating violence here. Hot dogs, maybe if you can afford them, I will advocate.
There are some things you can just count on during the Fourth of July. There will be plenty of drinks, there will be a ton of food, there will be fireworks, and Joey Chestnut will win the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.
The only losers on the day were the protestors and whoever bet that Chestnut would break his record.
Let’s go folks! Let’s start winning again and make Joey proud!